The articles below focus on the following topics:

1. How to start a conversation with your child about risky behaviors

2. Rules for on-line safety

3. Helping children overcome test anxiety

4. Be an involved parent


Starting the Conversation


Sometimes the most difficult part of any discussion with your child about risky behaviors, such as smoking, is deciding how to bring it up. Here are a few ideas to help you get started:

  • Seeing a television public service announcement about not smoking provides an opportunity to talk about challenges your child may be facing, such as how to say no when a friend offers a cigarette.
  • Noticing someone smoking provides an opportunity to express your views about not smoking and to ask your child what he or she thinks.
  • Reading together about statistics on youth smoking or drunk driving accidents can help you start talking about risky behaviors and their consequences.
  • Driving by a billboard that highlights the dangers of smoking can lead to a discussion about the health risks associated with smoking cigarettes.
  • Using news of reported risky behavior by a celebrity can help start a discussion about taking a stand and setting limits.
  • Asking your child if any of his or her friends smoke presents an opportunity to ask your child's feelings about smoking and to let him or her know that you disapprove of it.

  • You may also want to be prepared for those "unexpected" times your child wants to talk. It's important to be ready when they reach out.

Author:

Dr. Charles Flatter is the Chair of the Department of Human Development and Director of the Institute for Child Study at the University of Maryland at College Park, Maryland.

Dr. Flatter has authored several child development textbooks; in addition, he has developed numerous drug abuse prevention curricula and materials, including Learning to Live Drug Free: A Curriculum Model for Prevention, published by the United States Department of Education and distributed to every school and every school system in the United States.

Dr. Flatter also developed The Parent Connection, a program designed to enhance parent-child communication and help parents help their children avoid substance use and other risky behaviors.



Help children know the risks of chat rooms

KIDS Rules for Online Safety

Much has been written about dangers on the Internet, but if your child is going to get in trouble online, chances are that it will be because of something that happens in a chat room.

Don't be alarmed. Millions of children engage in chat and instant messaging every day and the overwhelming majority are not victimized. Still, of the 32,000 leads reported to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children's (NCMEC) CyberTipLine ( www.cybertipline.com ), 3,262 are ``online enticement'' cases and the vast majority of those started out in a chat room, according to Ruben Rodriquez, director of NCMEC's Exploited Child Unit. However, the fact that they represent a tiny fraction of kids online is of no conciliation to those children or their families.

(I have helped the non-profit organization develop some of its online safety materials and, last week, was elected to its board of directors.)

Most of these cases, says Rodriquez, involve a similar methodology. The perpetrator lurks in a public chat room looking for a child he thinks is vulnerable. I use ``he'' because most sexual predators are male; however, there have been cases of adult women using the Internet to solicit underage boys and girls. When he finds someone who seems vulnerable, he invites the child into a private area of the chat room to get better acquainted. Next comes private chat via an instant message service followed by e-mail, phone conversations and, finally, a face-to-face meeting.

The practice isn't unique to the United States. In a separate interview, Nigel Williams, Director of London-based Childnet International ( www.childnet-int.org ), painted nearly an identical picture based on his organization's work around the globe. The United Kingdom recently experienced its first reported case of a child that was seduced into a sexual relationship by an adult encountered online. The girl is 13 and the man -- who is now serving a five-year jail sentence, is 33.

In this UK case, the initial contact took place in a chat room and was followed by a daily exchange of e-mail, including some in which the man sent the girl sexually explicit photographs. There were also regular conversations on a mobile phone and, finally, a series of meetings at his apartment, which eventually led to sexual intercourse. After the third meeting, the girl confided in her parents who contacted the police. As is often the case, force wasn't involved. The vulnerable girl submitted to the man's advances.

Children who are relatively quiet in online chats are especially targeted, says Rodriquez. ``Predators like to go after kids who tend to express agreement in chat rooms but not say a lot because they know that these kids are vulnerable.'' It's like children who are on the sidelines on playgrounds. The ones playing the game are already getting recognition. The ones that aren't are more likely to be lonely and happy for whatever attention they can get.

And, of course, the predator doesn't start by sexually propositioning a child. His first tactic is to create a comfort level, typically by posing as a young person about the same age as the intended victim. Early in the process, the predator might even send the child a photograph of ``himself'' to reassure the child. Of course, it's not really a photo of the person engaged in the chat but of an attractive child about the same age as the victim -- possibly scanned from a magazine -- often engaged in a happy social activity with parents, friends or siblings.

Sexual predators, according to Rodriquez, are often very skilled at their crimes. ``They know how to manipulate children, he said. ``They know their likes and dislikes and they know what buttons to push.'' And they're patient. It sometimes takes months to turn a contact from a chat room into a sexual victim. And, even though these online relationships typically begin with the child believing that he or she is communicating with another child, it's not uncommon for the predator to eventually let the child know that he is ``a bit older'' than he might have first indicated. Using phrases like, ``how do you feel about a `big brother' or an `uncle,''' the adult prepares the child for the eventual meeting where his age will become obvious. Rodriquez said that some kids will cut off the relationship the moment they realize they're dealing with an adult, but others will be flattered by it. Besides, it's not uncommon for predators to be attempting to seduce several children at a time so even if the kid goes away, they have other victims lined up.

In some cases, the child continues to believe that the person on the other end of the chat sessions and e-mail is a child up until the meeting. The adult might tell the unsuspecting child, ``My dad will pick you up,'' so the will feels safe getting into the adult's car.

Williams cautions parents that the chat itself is only a meeting point. In many cases, the child and the perpetrator are together in the chat room for a very short time and continue the conversation via e-mail and other venues, including mobile phones. In the UK and Europe, it's very common for teenagers to have cell phones and, unlike the United States, many of those phones have short message system (SMS) capabilities.

``It's very popular,'' said Williams, ``for kids to exchange messages on their cell phones.'' Williams worries that would-be pedophiles will use the same technology to reach out to kids. Another problem with cell phones is that kids can use them away from home where parents have no clue as to who they're talking with.

If you have kids who chat online -- and if you're a parent you probably do -- you might be wondering how you can protect your kids. The answer, says Rodriquez and other safety experts, is to try to keep in close touch with what your kids are doing online. Be especially wary if they always keep the door shut or turn off the monitor the moment you walk in the door. Still, that might not be a sign of a serious problem, but of your child's desire to maintain privacy while chatting with other kids.

Williams, the director of Childnet International, urges parents to talk with their children about Internet safety. Your kids might not like the conversation, but it's worth having and worth repeating once in awhile, even if your kids tell you that they're tired of hearing about it.

Childnet operates an excellent Web site ( www.chatdanger.com ) that provides parents with advice on how to recognize and prevent problems that can arise in chat rooms. Although it's aimed primarily at the UK and Europe, there is plenty of good advice for those of us on this side of the pond.


 
 

Helping Children Overcome Test Anxiety



Test anxiety is almost universal. In fact, it is unusual to find a student who doesn't approach a big test without a high level of anxiety. Test anxiety can cause a host of problems in students, such as upset stomach, headache, loss of focus, fear, irritability, anger and even depression. New research is helping to better define how emotional stress and anxiety affect learning and academic performance.

Stressful emotions can inhibit a student's ability to absorb, retain and recall information. Anxiety creates a kind of "noise" or "mental static" in the brain that blocks our ability to retrieve what's stored in memory and also greatly impairs our ability to comprehend and reason. The key to understanding how anxiety inhibits cognitive and physical performance lies in understanding how emotions affect the rhythmic activity in the nervous system.

Feelings such as frustration, fear, anger and anxiety cause the neural activity in the two branches of the autonomic nervous system to get out of sync. This, in turn, affects the synchronized activity in the brain, disrupting our ability to think clearly. On the other hand, uplifting feelings such as appreciation lead to increased harmony and synchronization in the brain and nervous system, which facilitates our ability to think more clearly.

Research has shown that providing students with tools and strategies that build both emotional skills and healthy physical habits when preparing for a test can help them overcome test anxiety and the associated symptoms, while improving their ability to prepare for and perform on critical testing. It's important to help students identify what they are feeling and give them tools that will help them learn to manage emotions such as anxiety, self-doubt, anger or frustration. The proper physical habits enable students to have enough energy and stamina for their brain to do its job of thinking and analyzing for a sustained period of time.

Here are a few tips from the Institute of HeartMath based on its TestEdge™ programs. Share these with your children ahead of time to better prepare them emotionally and physically for test taking.

Tips for Students
Practice the neutral tool: When you have uncomfortable feelings about whether you will do well on the test, practice the neutral tool. It's important to catch negative mind loops that reinforce self-doubt or uncomfortable feelings. Every time you catch a negative thought repeating itself, stop the loop and practice going to neutral. Start by focusing on the area around your heart. This helps to take the focus off the mind loop. Then breathe deeply. Breathe as if your breath is flowing in and out through the center of your chest. Breathe quietly and naturally, four-five seconds on the in-breath, and four-five seconds on the out-breath. While you're breathing, try and find an attitude of calmness about the situation. Do this in the days leading up to the test, right before and during the test.

Address the what-if questions: A lot of times before we have to do something like take a test, much of the anxiety we feel is a build-up from negative "what-if'" thoughts. What if I fail, what if I can't remember anything, or what if I run out of time. Try writing a what-if question that is positive and can help you take the big deal out of the situation and begin to see things in a different way. Examples of these kinds of questions are, "What if I can remember more than I think I can?" "What if I can feel calmer than I think I can?"

Think good thoughts: Science is showing that good feelings like appreciation can actually help your brain work better. When you feel nervous or anxious, try this. You can do it as many times as you need to or want to. Remember something that nakes you feel good. Maybe it is your pet or how you felt when you got a big hug from your mom, or how you felt after a super fun day at the amusement park with your friends. After you remember how you felt, hold that feeling. Pretend you are holding it in your heart. Let yourself feel that feeling for 10-20 seconds or more. It's important to let yourself really feel that good feeling all over again. Practice this tool right before the big test.

Get enough sleep: Big tests require a lot of energy and stamina to be able to focus for several hours. Make sure you get at least eight-10 hours of sleep the night before the test.
Have fun: Do something fun the night before to take your mind off the test, like see a movie, play a board game with your family or participate in a sports activity. That way your mind and emotions are more relaxed in the time leading up to the test.

Eat a hearty breakfast: The brain needs a lot of energy to maintain focus on a big test for several hours. Eat a hearty and healthy breakfast, including complex carbohydrates and protein to make your energy last as long as possible. Foods such as eggs, cereal and whole-wheat toast help energize your brain to think more clearly and much longer compared with the fast-disappearing bolt of energy from drinking a soda pop or eating a cookie for breakfast. For a snack food, bring simple foods such as peanut butter and crackers, cheese and crackers or a burrito to sustain energy until lunch.

Practicing these tools in advance of and during a test can help students limit test anxiety and perform even better on their school work.

This material has been provided by the Institute of HeartMath, a nonprofit research and education organization specializing in research on how stress and emotions impact learning and performance. To learn more about the TestEdge™ programs and tools for enhancing academic performance visit www.heartmath.org .


For More Information

The Institute of HeartMath
www.heartmath.org/education/testedge/why.php

Family Education Network www.familyeducation.com/article/0,1120,66-2127,00.html

Talking with Your Kids
http://www.talkingwithkids.org/index.htm

The American Institute of Stress
www.stress.org



Be an Involved Parent

Be involved. Parent involvement helps students learn, improves schools, and helps teachers work with you to help your children succeed.
Provide resources at home for learning. Utilize your local library, and have books and magazines available in your home. Read with your children each day.
Set a good example. Show your children by your own actions that you believe reading is both enjoyable and useful. Monitor television viewing and the use of videos and game systems.
Encourage students to do their best in school. Show your children that you believe education is important and that you want them to do their best.
Value education and seek a balance between schoolwork and outside activities. Emphasize your children's progress in developing the knowledge and skills they need to be successful both in school and in life.
Recognize factors that take a toll on students' classroom performance:
Consider the possible negative effects of long hours at after-school jobs or in extracurricular activities. Work with your children to help them maintain a balance between school responsibilities and outside commitments.
View drinking and excessive partying as serious matters. While most parents are concerned about drug abuse, many fail to recognize that alcohol, over-the-counter drugs, and common substances used as inhalants are more frequently abused than illegal drugs.
Support school rules and goals. Take care not to undermine school rules, discipline, or goals.
Use pressure positively. Encourage children to do their best, but don't pressure them by setting goals too high or by scheduling too many activities.
Call teachers early if you think there's a problem while there is still time to solve it. Don't wait for teachers to call you.
Accept your responsibility as parents. Don't expect the school and teachers to take over your obligations as parents. Teach children self-discipline and respect for others at home -- don't rely on teachers and schools to teach these basic behaviors and attitudes.
 
 




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